HIM HIGHLIGHT

BALLS OF FURY

Birth Name: Ed Kain

Age: 41

F3 Start Date: June 2023

Main AO Posts: Moonbase (AO COQ)  & Tribe

What led you to F3, and how did your first post challenge you or inspire you in unexpected ways? and how did you get your F3 nickname?

To say I was "led" to F3 does not feel entirely accurate; it was more like I stumbled upon it, & quite luckily as I later found out. I was a guest in June 2023 at my cousin's house in STL, when I mentioned to her husband that we should go for a run the next morning so he can show me around their neighborhood. He said he could come get me for a workout, but it would be at 4:30 am. 4:30 am, I thought, ooookaaaay. He gave me the gist around what F3 was, what it would be like, and the purpose around it. I was apprehensive but a little excited to try it out. 

The most memorable take away I have from the workout was how all the guys were with one another. There were maybe 25 men there. My cousin's husband who took me was Q'ing, and I can remember thinking how I could never do that. I would be too nervous and would hate being the center of attention. We ended up having a great workout. It was an hr long game of ultimate Frisbee, where the scoring team did 10 victory merkins and the scored on team did loser 10 burpees. I had multiple guys come up to me and ask about me. What was my deal and what was Austin like? There was lots of trash talking and competitiveness, but it was clear that the men cared about one another and shared a common bond. It was exactly what my life was lacking at that time. The site Q found me during coffee and pointed out the closest AO's to me that I could check out when I got home. I remember the closest being MoonBase. 

When they were naming me, I think no one really took it all that seriously since I was visiting from out of town. I talked about the fact that I used to play table tennis competitively, to which a few of the men found funny and decided "Balls of Fury" would be a funny name after the 2007 movie with Christopher Walken. I mean, I guess he is in it since that is what google says. I have never actually watched the movie. They figured they would never see me again so why not; Balls of Fury it was.

What impact has F3 had on your life, and what lessons or moments stand out as defining your journey?

When we left that St. Louis trip in 2023 I felt such a sense of community and it was so clear to me that I needed more of that in my life, my initial solution was that my family and I needed to move back there. We are from St. Louis and at the time, I chalked up the impulse to needing to feel closer to friends and family. While there is plenty of truth to that, I realize now that a big part of that feeling was what I got from F3. In the two years since then, I have leaned into my involvement with F3 Austin & made some lasting friendships. At this time I feel community and brotherhood, and my life has been drastically enriched as a result. 

Lessons:

I do not always (or often) feel like it, but this does not mean that I can't do it. It is hard to discuss how F3 Austin has impacted me and not invoke the man himself, Impact. Rucking at Nutcracker one morning, he once told me that when he leaves F3 in the morning after lifting heavy things and doing things that are incredibly difficult, the normal challenges he is confronted with the rest of the day feel easy. This is how it feels; other challenges get easier to conquer, because I am guided by confidence rather than inhibited by fear or anxiety.

We receive and we give. Any parent who has celebrated Christmas with their Children has tried to instill this notion of reciprocity. It is an important part of Christmas to give; whether it's volunteering, giving to a charity, or giving a gift. To give is rewarding in ways that receiving is not. I believe this is because giving makes it about something bigger than ourselves. To me a big part of the third "F" is giving back to others. I have received so much from F3 and from the men who have lifted me up that it means a lot to me to have the chance to give back to the men. It has shown me how rewarding this can be.

What's the biggest challenge you've faced -- either in life or in F3 -- and what did it teach you about perseverance? 

As an adolescent of 18 yrs and 4 months exactly I lost my Mom after she has fought cancer for almost two years. I am sure this taught me a lot about life; surely more than I can put down here, but what resonates is how to deal with problems. I was quite grief stricken and angry in the aftermath of my Mom's death. I was a Mama's boy as a kid and in my eyes she was a Saint who could do no wrong, so how could this happen? At the time, I coped with the anger I felt by mostly ignoring it and bottling it up. I think I'm not the first man to utilize this strategy for dealing with an emotion that is so intense you just don't know what else to do with it. Many years later, my path crossed with a counselor who challenged me to confront how I felt about losing her. This process resulted in gaining some peace and closure and it taught me the important life lesson that if I choose to run from my problem (or feelings) they will always eventually catch up to me. Part of the beauty of F3 is the circle of trust. We often have things on our mind that we do not want to share in other settings. Having a regular space where we can open up, confront things, and deal with things shoulder to shoulder with our fellow F3 brother's helps us to process things and realize that what we are struggling with, others have the same or similar struggles. We are not alone.

What else would you like to share about Balls of Fury to the PAX that maybe most of us don't know?

I was raised that it is rude to talk about yourself, but I'll be a sport and give something. I feel more comfortable playing the role of the contrarian. As a kid I used to love watching old Marx Brothers films with my brother and Dad. There is one, Horse Feathers, where the main character played by Groucho breaks out into a song called "I'm against it". It goes, "your proposition may be good, but let's have one thing understood, whatever it is I'm against it. And even when you've changed or condensed it, I'm against it". I have always felt like the odd ball. I never really felt like I fit in in the small country town where I grew up in southern IL. When I graduated college and moved to St. Louis, I was a Cubs fan in St. Louis. As a kid and as a young man, it really mattered to me that I didn't really fit it or that I wasn't really accepted, but at this stage in my life, I embrace the role of being a bit of a contrarian at times and occasionally letting another HIM know that his Q was complete ass.